![]() ![]() ![]() The back of the Reese’s Puffs box is weird - it catalogs a long list of reasons you might not like Reese’s Puffs, including “you’ve been sucking your thumb incessantly since the age of 2” and “the robotic arm you use for eating ran out of batteries.” Odd marketing aside, can you go wrong, ever, with chocolate and peanut butter? (For the record, I also looked for, but could not find, Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch on the shelves of three different grocery stores I visited.) If you appreciate the mealy memories of eating grainy, sweet-salty graham crackers in kindergarten, this is the cereal for you. ![]() And although they are majorly sweet, they manage not to be cloying. Pretty good plain out of the box, they have a toasty, satisfying crunch. Golden Grahams are, low-key, a very strong cereal. Shout out to Golden Grahams for having, for a short time, a drop of honey as their mascot, marking one of the few times a major brand made a mascot of loose, uncontained liquid. Sure, the company may have fumbled its attempt to save the bees by inadvertently encouraging some consumers to grow invasive plant species, but I’ll overlook it. Oaty, crunchy and with a clean sweetness that doesn’t linger, Honey Nut Cheerios also manages to Jedi mind trick you into thinking you’re eating something fairly healthy, and not just another sweet cereal. It is the Sean Penn of cereals - it may or may not be your cup of tea personally, but it’s hard to deny the dedication to the craft. Honey Nut Cheerios, of all the cereals I tried, had the most depth and character. While it sogs relatively quickly, the soft pabulum that remains is still tasty, and sloughs off just enough of that cinnamon and sugar to make a satisfying bowl of cereal milk.Ĭereal milk ranking: 3 2) Honey Nut Cheerios CTC is sweet, spicy and has a decent amount of salt to give it complexity (if anything, I’d like a teeny bit more). No, it’s not earth-shaking to pronounce Cinnamon Toast Crunch the best-tasting cereal on the market, but it’s also a capital-F fact. 1, but why pretend? In the words of Spandau Ballet, I know this much is true. Sure, I could have come in hot and anointed Peanut Butter Puffins or something No. Read the official fast food French fry power rankings » 1) Cinnamon Toast Crunch I ranked these cereals based on 1) taste and 2) quality of cereal milk - the tasty 2% dregs from a consumed bowl. Cereals that were on the border that I ultimately decided did not go in the sweet category: Life, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Kix, among others. This meant making some choices, however - Froot Loops? That’s obviously a sweet cereal. Non-sweet cereals will be judged in a future ranking. These rankings deal solely with cereals on the sweet side of the spectrum, as comparing Lucky Charms to, say, Fiber One wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense. I am, therefore, thrilled to present to you the highly scientific, unimpeachable and 100% correct L.A. What better way to plow through existential angst than with a cold, crunchy bowl of breakfast cereal? A perfect snack day or night, cereal has played an oversized role in my life above almost any other food item. And, you know, maybe we’ll get to fly or something. The afterlife, if that’s what you believe in, doesn’t mean an existence free of worry, or even suffering: We’re all interconnected and take care of one another, through good times and bad, just like on earth. The more complicated answer relates to the show “The Good Place,” which I may have binge-watched the entirety of last weekend. As we in Los Angeles freeze to death in 66-degree temperatures I can hear you asking, what are we marching toward, exactly? The short answer is: to our inevitable deaths. The month is called “March” for a reason: because it’s a slog. ![]()
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